I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
