John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
