You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
