Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
