everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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