she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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