i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
