I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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