He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
