i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
