Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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