Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
