Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
