Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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