Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
