So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
