im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
