You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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