Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
