we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
