This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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