I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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