i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize