You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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