part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
