Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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