So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
