It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
