The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
