my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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