nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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