I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
