is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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