I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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