After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
