I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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