I'm jealous of your bromance
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
