9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
