New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize