my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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