I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You ruined the universe
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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