pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize