farters have to be the big spoon...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
