hotel room ftw
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
