I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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