my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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