I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
