Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize