So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
