So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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