u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
