was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
