i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
