i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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