i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
