Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize