shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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