A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
