The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize