I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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