oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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