Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
