Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize