just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize