God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
