We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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