for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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