haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize