Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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