I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
