There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
