Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
