I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
be right there i have to get my cape
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
