ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
