You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
