why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
