He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
