I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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