youre lurking in front of me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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