The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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