My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
