There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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