I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
