I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Soap is not a condiment
its not stalking. its research.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
