She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
