I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
