At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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