Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
