Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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