Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
