i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
