Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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